Alive or Dead (2008)

Friday, 27 June 2008 00:00

Reviewed by Carol Sullivan

Genre: Horror
Released: June 17th, 2008
Rating: R for horror violence, language and some sexual content

Director: Stephen Goetsch
Starring: Ann Henson, Gretchen Busenitz, Thomas Crnkovich, Diego De Vargas, L. Flint Esquerra, Masao Kitamura, Angelica May
Studio: Lionsgate

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Imagine this, dear viewer: A lonesome stretch of remote dirt road, a sudden flat tire and a waiting maniac in the woods. What could make for a better horror movie premise? Well, that's what I thought, too. I understand that this story-line has often been re-hashed in movie after movie, but trust me, Alive or Dead takes it to all new lows.

The movie begins as Maria (Ann Henson) gets a flat tire on a dirt road in the middle of the night. Parked nearby is a pre-WWII school bus with the words 'Help Me' scrawled on the inside of one of the windows. Naturally Maria investigates to find a bus full of half-eaten body parts and frightened girl named Sarah (Angelica Magana) chained to one of the seats.

Soon, a man comes back to the bus dragging another victim. Frightened, Maria hides behind one of the seats as the bus starts up and drives away.

Now, this is really when the story-line goes off-the-rails. When the bus finally stops, it is daylight and Maria finds that they have arrived at a castle in the desert. Where are they and why, we wonder. When the bad guys turn out to be an obese, mute-guy and a cannibal boy with a face full of blisters and an old man in a monk's robe, I had to physically sit on my hands to stop them from turning the movie off. I kept waiting, in vain, for Alive or Dead to get better, right up to its ridiculous ending.

The make up effects are not bad, but the story and the acting left me wanting to jab a sharp object in my eyes to stop the pain. I would be remiss if I did not strongly warn against this movie.

Overall Rating: Zero Stars

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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 18 February 2009 17:35 )